CollegeGameBalls: College Football at its Finest

Last year I wrote about how to be a College Football Fanatic. This year I ask does your team have a new head coach, have they graduated 80% of last year’s starters, are they on probation, are you guaranteed to lose 5 games and play in a Christmas week bowl, did your Heisman hopeful get thrown off the team for possession of marijuana or are you simply Notre Dame fan? If you answered yes to any of these questions chances are your season is going to be wasted building for the future.  But, that doesn’t mean you have to take any shit from anyone about the state of your program.  Follow these rules and before you know it your program will be winning meaningful games again.

1. Avoid Mondays at the office.  The only thing more satisfying than winning is not letting that jerk ass rival school graduate co-worker of yours be able to rub your face in a loss. On Tuesdays spit in his or her coffee.
2. Fabricate detailed and complex stories as to why your team has no noticeable play makers.  ”We did have this stud runnin’ back from Easterly all signed, but he got a better offer to join a cult instead… Actually yah that was him on Dateline last night.”
3. You favorite phrase should be, “Just wait until we until we recruit the right players for the system.”
4. You lost to the less talented out of conference school because they wanted it more and not because you suck!
5. Pretend the goal of the game isn’t to score more points than the other team, but to complete a full four quarters of play.  Once you convince yourself of that you will have an unstoppable dynasty on your hands
6. Bowl games are an irrelevant reward for the players.  The 6 hard fought wins that got you there are what really matters.
7. Change the conversation early and make it personal.  ”Hey Jerry, wow your boys got their asses kic…” “Isn’t your wife is cheating on you with Chuck?”
8. Horrible officiating is the only reason why you are on that long losing steak.
9. If you lose to your rival school do not be gracious and do not congratulate. Try to not acknowledge the loss. If some douche bag points it out tell them you didn’t see the game, don’t believe them and will check the score out for yourself later, which you will obviously never do.  If you had the misfortune of being at the game black out the memory with copious amounts of Southern Comfort.
10. Most importantly never under any circumstances admit your program is in a transitional or rebuilding year. This is admitting defeat and an open invitation for someone to eat your lunch.

That joke never gets old.  The Ball Coach has named Chris Smelley his starter for this Thursday’s game against Vanderbilt.  Spurrier made Smelley his number one man after Tommy Beecher couldn’t strap it up for Monday’s practice sucked ass against North Carolina State.  [Read more →]

The news to pull off Tyrod Taylor’s redshirt came today during Coach Beamer’s weekly press conference

“We plan to play both Sean Glennon and Tyrod Taylor this weekend,” Beamer said during the press conference.

“The No. 1 need for us is to be a good running football team. For several different reasons that needs to be our strength and I think by putting a guy in the backfield that makes plays, he’ll cause something to happen.”

Beamer added, “I think Tyrod Taylor is a much better player from a knowledge standpoint and reading coverages then a year ago. He’s farther along there. I also like his ability to throw the football.”

/post Jack

I am listening to SportsCenter, it is Virginia Tech not Va Tech you fuckheads

/end post jack

Tyrod coming back will open up the offense as much as possible with Stinespring calling the plays.  His ability to turn a negative play into a positive will help us extend drives and therefore dictate the pace of the game.  The biggest negative I see is that Glennon will still be taking snaps.  This should be Tyrod’s team and we should allow him to develop a cohesion with the new receivers and help the seniors have a winning and memorable season.  All in all I am happy with the move. However, I wish we weren’t blinded by loyalty at the beginning of the season.  Regardless of seniority if we want to win as many games as possible we need to take a USC like approach to the depth chart: the best players will play.

I proudly present this week’s BlogPoll.  Virginia Tech is taking, what will probably be, a season long vacation from the poll.  You cannot run a Pop Warner offense and expect to be among the big boys. After their beatdown by Alabama Clemson is hanging on by a thread. I was thinking of dropping them completely but I think they would beat any team that would replace them. Can someone at Pitt tell Wanny that there is no playoff and he really needs to beat teams like Bowling Green.

After their impressive wins both ECU and Oregon crack the top 25. I am really pulling for Skip “I wish I wasn’t related to Lou” Holtz to upset WVU next week. Oregon really showed me they can still throw up the points in life AD (after Dixon). Mizzou moves into the top 3 and I am showing Alabama a lot of love.  Obligatory rhetorical question, how impressive were both Missouri and Alabama’s defenses against loaded offenses on Saturday night…

Anyways if you feel strongly about how I fucked up let me know what you think before I submit my final poll on Tuesday night.

Rank	Team	Delta
1	Florida	—
2	Southern Cal	—
3	Missouri	8
4	Oklahoma	1
5	Ohio State	1
6	Georgia	1
7	Auburn	1
8	LSU	1
9	Tennessee	1
10	West Virginia	1
11	Alabama	6
12	Texas	—
13	Texas Tech	—
14	Arizona State	—
15	Kansas	—
16	Wisconsin	—
17	South Florida	2
18	Florida State	2
19	Wake Forest	3
20	Penn State	3
21	Brigham Young	4
22	East Carolina	4
23	Oregon	3
24	Illinois	6
25	Clemson	15

116 people voted and here are the results:

• NC State over USC - 12
• ECU over VT - 21
• Virginia over USC - 6 (Were these 6 people off their meds…)
• Alabama over Clemson - 27
• App St over LSU - 10 (App St was not hot hot hot)
• UCLA over Tennessee - 10
• Fresno St over Rutgers - 12
• All Favorites Win! - 18

We’ll see how UCLA v Tennessee and Fresno St v Rutgers on Monday.  I think both Rutgers and Tennessee will pull out Ws.  If anyone has a suggestion for next weeks poll leave it in the comments, because I am out of ideas.

I want that gold too! I wish Fowler would have moved his big head so we could have gotten a better shot.

Free Vick so he can get that gold.

Nick Saban: The most powerful coach in black and white. Sexy Time!

You know, I know it, everyone knows it… The Big Ten fucking sucks.

Haha Mathew Stafford throws like that Vag holding the sign.

Kelly send all the sexy pictures you want to cgb@collegegameballs.com

BRING BACK TYROD

Obviously I was wrong about Sean Glennon being anything better than a toaster oven at the quarterback positiion.  What a fucking loser.  You suck.  You played 5 fucking years and you throw the most bush league interceptions against a school who has the same talent level as a highschool team. What the fuck do you do to prepare?  You cannot read coverage and you aren’t even trusted to make your own audibles. Do us all a favor and quit the team.

This is the urban translation of Paul Johnson’s offense.